Reza's Adventures

Spinning baby

2007-12-01T03:23:00.000-08:00

it turns out i'm not the only Reza who LOVES spinning. REza's representin everywhere baby

It's Residency Interview Time people!

2007-11-30T23:44:00.001-08:00

Wow, it's almost been a year since my last post. well i stopped posting at the end of resident and surgery was too painful on a daily basis due to some crazy resident abuse. but here i am back in gear though no one is probably still following my blog anymore, it's okay though because i still love it.
so my love affair with internal medicine and peds is over. and i absolutely don't like anything cardiology any more. it's all about cardiac surgery now and i'm about to embark on Monday on a three week frenzied tour of the east coast for interviews. here's a little sample:
baltimore, then to pittsburgh, then to massachussetts, then back to pittsburgh (i know, crazy ain't it) then to new york and then back to massachussetts and then back home. wow i got tired just thinking about that.

checking in

2007-02-07T08:03:00.000-08:00

it's been a while since i've updated my page, some new stories:
well i've come to know the crazies in my neighborhood pretty well:
1) gym OCD dude: there's this strange looking freak who practically lives at the locker room in my gym. He's there all day and constantly goes back n forth between the gym and the lockers staying there for like three hours. Then one day i noticed he hoarded all sorts of crazy shit like newspapers into his locker and that it would take him an hour to leave because he would clear out the locker and and allt he lockers adjacent to it about a hundred times before he would leave. classic OCD. poor fella, i almost wanted to be go up to him and tell him to get some help.

2)tatoo head: every day at the coffee shop next to my home there 's this fella whose completely bald-headed and he has this crazy ass floral arrangement tatooed on his head in lieu of hair. who does that shit?

3) Did i mention my patients are all crazy too? i'm not kidding.

On medicine

2007-01-03T19:30:00.000-08:00

well, internal medicine, the most important rotation, started today. what a mess. i show up in la jolla in the morning. then drive to hillcrest twenty miles away for hospice only to find out i'm actually supposed to be in la jolla for cardiology so i go to la jolla but by the time i get there there are no more pateints and i shadow a doc for an hour and leave and go back to hillcrest for clinic where i saw a whooping single patient who had asthma, and then also turned out to have a wierd rash, and oh yeah, some pre-diabetes, plus hypertension, and then of course like always, some psych history. a simple asthma visited took FOREVER, by the end i was just exhausted because damn, get your ass in shape, get a job, and take care of your body people! anyways, after clinic i again returned to la jolla for lectures, which is where i am as i write this, and in ten minutes i go back to hillcrest to go home meaning i drove over two hours today! yay!

vegas

2007-01-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

so my family again participated in the persian invasion of vegas during christmas season because well, that's just how we do. the new fall Diesel jeans line up I must say is quite impressive.

the rash

2006-12-22T16:15:00.000-08:00

well, that mean dermatologist should be thanking me now. it turned out my kid had an extremely rare fatal fungal infection. in fact, it's so rare, they're still not absolutely sure which species of fungus it was and every old skool wrinkled up dermatologist came to look at this 2x3 rash because they'd never seen it before and they'd probably never see it again. there's like a handful of these cases reported in immunocompetent patients and my little kiddo got it and if that dermatologist is motivated enough, he could even write it up and get published.

Consults

2006-11-28T13:53:00.000-08:00

They say that board scores are inversely related to social skills, this has actually been proven in several studies. Dermatologists have among the highest board scores because it's a high paying lifestyle specialty and well, many dermatologists just are plain assholes. point being:
today:
attending: Let's get a consult on this rash, I'm not comfortable with it
my chief: Reza, we want you to learn to be an intern, you're gonna practice and get comfortable doing consults, checking labs, all that
me: great, i'm on it.

later on that day... calling the derm consult.

-Hi, I'm Reza from the peds team, I'm calling to ask for a consult.
- Who are you? he replies
-I'm the med student on the peds team
-Why are they having a med student call me? he replies angrily. sounding insulted.
-Well, the intern on the case is sitting next to me, I'm just helping out
-Give the phone to the doctor.

great... never mind I know the patient inside out and I know what's going on. I wanted to say:
listen man, I'm a good student and I know what's going on here and you need to get over yourself and just hear me give you a one minute consult it's not that big a deal, this is a teaching hospital after all and further more, your ass should be thanking me, how often do we even get a derm consult? no one dies from skin diseases, well very rarely do they, and even then we usually get a infectious disease consult because you guys are too wimpy to even handle mrsa most of the time so if anything i'm kinda doing you a favor here and get over your damn self, i mean are you so important in derm land that you can't talk to a student when the bad ass cardiologist can? it's not like you're so stressed out running around not saving lives and popping pimples and prescribing hydrocortisone that you can't at least be polite about it.

but i didn't say that, i just gave the phone to the intern and got ticked off deep down inside and here i'm venting
c'est la vie
the kids gave me some obnoxious cold that everyone in med school seems to be getting.
only 25 days till winter break!

i did it

2006-11-08T09:04:00.000-08:00

so last night i went out with a black girl. i tried that once in paris but this man never lets one experience spoil him. i liked her too but i didn't pick up a chemistry between us. we went to a concert, and afterwards i treated her to some hooka during which she started pulling the "i don't date" line on me, when i turned it around on her "do you feel like you're not worth anyone dating?" kind of thing. i think this quickly triggered some defensive reflex in her and next thing i know, we're talking about all her problems and insecurities. by the end of the night, i knew that a second date was well within my grasp. we had mentioned doing something on saturday but i was kind of turned off by her attitude so after we went home, she said "call me if you want to hang out next saturday" and i thought to myself, "not so much" but instead nodded and dubiously replied "ok," but anyways, my point is, she had a ghetto booty and let me tell you, the ghetto booty is way too over idealized. it ain't all that.

Just a wonderful day

2006-11-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

I'm on neurology right now which means hours upon hours of "where is the lesion?" my professors are kind of unrelenting.
Pt has a foot drop, where is the lesion?
The common peroneal nerve, it's very vulnerable i repeat
ok... he says, where else could it be?
great.... never mind that we hardly ever ever see it anywhere else, but i take a stab
well, the spinal root
which?
s2-s3 i say
"l1 and l2" a kind intern whispers to me, so i correct myself,
which nerve?
sciatic, oh oh , he 's not nodding, femoral i quickly correct myself,
and on and on and on trying to guess where the fucking lesion is, i'm just ready to lose my mind. a human being can only tolerate so much neuroanatomy in one day. hell, in most med schools, this isn't even a required clerkship.

so my first chief told me i sucked, never mind that she threw me in there with five patients the first week plusp presenting all new patients, making it impossible for me to do well. thank God she left. the next one came in, he was more reasonable, thought i did a great job, circled honors on my eval, and just signed. you could say i was lucky there was a shift in power but that is the nature of this random thing called third year of med school

neurologists are dorks, and i mean that sincerely.even the cool ones. well, a couple of them were cool but if er docs are cowboys and pediatricians are sensitive and family med people are boring, then neurologists are just the class computer dorks, you know, the type that is currently at a coffeeshop near you playing the wonderful world of warcraft or whatever that lame game is called.
thank God i got outpatient assigned to a pediatric neuro unit where the kids keep me busy and the pediatricians have a bit more personality and aren't so concerned about the lesion. "the MRI is the lesion!" as one of my new attendings told me today, now that's an answer i like, a lot, oh, and he has long hair, need i say more?

it looks like my people took the House by storm and most likely the Senate too. that's another thing to be happy about

weird ass parents

2006-10-19T23:35:00.000-07:00

so today this four monther comes in for vaccines and as part of his physical exam i have to check his package, you know, make sure the inguinal nodes are there and that his nutsack isn't empty. the sucker kept crying until i noticed him stop and smile and suddenly... tada, urine all over my shirt. little *(E*$&#)#!! so i walked around all day smelling of baby urine

but it gets better
later on in the day, another mom thought that the sight of her 6monther's penis might traumatize me and covered it up with her hand to protect his privacy or maybe her innocence or maybe my innocence, i don't know but i was like "ma'am i just need to make sure he has good peripheral pusles and there isn 't a problem with his descending aorta." i mean, come on people. the kids three days old. you'd think a grown woman with a baby would be more mature.

on a more serious note, i have seen many sad things.
there's this obscure disease called leisch nyhan syndrome where kids have HGPRT deficiency leading to abnormal purine metabolism (do you see why it's "obscure" and easy to forget). the kids end up mutilating themselves and being really wierd with cherry red maculas etc. every med student memorizes and forgets about the good ol leisch nyhan right away at least three times in the course of their career. well, no I, for i got to work with THE Dr. Nyhan who immediately pimped me about an obscure metabolic diseae and by sheer luck i remembered that beta glucorerbrosidase deficiency led to nieman-pick disorder. anyways, he was slightly impressed and i was on his good side. i saw SO MANY weird kids. Hurler's syndrome, PKU, Neimann Pick, etc.... the kids were still cute but man, they looked really different and sick with a million problems. sad yet encouraging that someone was taking care of these vulnerable precious kids. the end of the day, the famous doctor even let me dictate, which was awesome except i ended up calling the dictation people and freezing, not sure exactly what to say, so i just winged it. i hope he likes it. all said and done though, i htink i'm going back into a surgery phase again.

Peds

2006-10-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

man, peds is fun. these little rugrats are like a barrel of monkeys. half the kids: absolutely innocent and cute as hell, you wish you could play pikaboo all day. sometimes i get so caught up playing and making funny noises with them that I forget I'm there to do a medical exam. But then there's the other half that are, well, cranky as hell. serious: they start crying their heart out over absolutely nothing and then all this snot runs out of their mouth and they freakin piss all over your white coat as you go to make sure their damn testicles have descended appropriately. the best is when they're twins and you do two exams at once. once, one twin was the embodiment of peace and the other was just straight up meaner than dick cheney and who would want to deal with dick cheney? anyways, i'm pretty good with the kids. next week is newborn nursery and that's really gonna be fun. those little kidos don't even really look human. it's like their bodies just took a crash course through evolution, from scales and fishlungs to what they are now and their faces are still settling in, especially because they just got all squished up coming out of the birth canal and uterus and sometimes they have huge distorted heads because of the suction vacuum gizmo we have to use. don't worry, their heads return to a normal oval in like 4-6 weeks. oh, and their cry, man, it is very different, it's not like crying as much as it is just simply screaming with these small airways and vocal cords that sound like those keys all the way on the left side of the piano except the noise doesn't end, the arghh..... just goes on and on and on and on until you get them to suck on your pinky, which they just absolutely love, and that might get them to quiet for like five minutes at which point you better have finished your exam and can let the nurses deal with them.

Crazy Times

2006-09-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

Wow, psych is already over.... that was probably the best six weeks of med school yet.
Not a single resident abused me, seriously, it was great.
Psych was crazy, but that was kind of the point, you know? For hipaa reasons i can't be specific about things but let's just say psychotic people are mean at times, and they can be real nasty when they're all upset and literally out of their mind.

The interviews were the best at the psych ward. they go something like this:
"hey there, mr. x, so how are you doing today."
"blah blah blah, a bunch of crazy nonsensical things come out of their mouth, or even better, they'll tell me delusional things concerning aliens or monsters or something.
and there goes my interview; progress report today says: "patient still delusional, we'll continue antipsychotic treatment."
and like that, I could finish a note in fifteen minutes sometimes.

My friend kayvon once told me he didn't buy the idea of personality disorders, i mean, if they existed we'd all have one. let me tell you my friends, personality disorders do exist (just walk down the OB/Gyn or surgery floor at any hospital, a lot of cluster B).
I saw SO MANY Borderline personality disorders, and let me tell you, these people are so hard to treat because well, they're just a mess. seriously, they always want to kill themselves or they're happy beyond belief the next minute. You have to keep playing psychological games with them as if they're your three year old brother. But it's still feels good when you can go home at the end of the day and say "I convinced him not to kill himself." and there you have it.
pediatrics is next, man, those kids are gonna be a barrel of monkeys.

long due update

2006-09-01T02:26:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i've updated th is bad boy and i really should be asleep now but i'm being stupid and not and tomorrow's a big day for sure so i'm not sure exactly what i'm doing here.
anyways
psych is well.... crazy, to say the least
but don't get me wrong, i love me the crazies
they're so fun
they get up and do ridiculous things, say ridiculous things and sometimes even piss you off but then you realiize they're just sick and don't know better and in that regard it's kinda like peds but sadder
i can't give details because of hipaa rules but i can give general info that not specific.

psych is sad because these diseases are debilitating and in many ways, the patient's moral being is taken over by the illness and in a way they're pseudo not alive, i can't say dead, because somtimes they've lost too many brain cells to be their normal cell ever again. i've seen drugs fuck up so many people's lives here, turning them into or at least bringing out their normally silent schizophrenia or mania. debilitating illnesses. these poor folks are locked up for their own good and they don't have enough insight to know why.
after we diagnosed the first schizophrenic patient i was assigned to, i went home sad all day and on the verge of tears because in many ways, that kids lives' dreams and hopes are now forever altered. but hey, three weeks later, he got better and went home semi-normal. my attending said we gave him his life back. and i guess that's true but i wonder how long it'll be before the illness gets a hold of him again, i hope never, but the statistics are not on my side. see the problem? it's more like cancer, not like an i nfection. it hardly ever simply goes away.

but i feel like woorking in psych, i'm doing something good and that's what matters the most.
finally, on a happy note: what's the difference between a p sychiatrist and his patients? When the patients leave, they're usually better. budum ching!

In the Navy

2006-08-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

My 6week blitz at the naval hospital is over. i must admit, i was treated and taught well there. man, i feel like i've learned SO MUCH ob/gyn. so many triage patients, pap smears, colpos, deliveries, csections. i've amassed so much medical information.
here are some quirks about the naval hospital:
1. cheap ass food at the "galley". i'm talking 30cent scrambeled eggs, dollar sandwiches 15cents a soda, and it's all decent stuff too.
2. the naval language: people are ensigns, not nurses, attendings are commanders, the nurse of the month is Sailor of the Month, you get my drift, oh and labor and delivery deck supervisor is "deck dog"
3. stupid rules: if you talk on your cell while driving in the parking lot, a secuirty guard will harass you. you can't walk the hallways with scrubs without your white coat on. to get a parking permit you need a notarized letter from your parents saying you're allowed to drive their car if it's regisered under their name.
4. the interns are sometimes not so motivated. a favorite quote:
"yeah, i don't really know why i went into medicine, i regret it sometimes."
"what don't you like about it?" i ask
"talking to patients, taking histories, doing physical exams, rounding, yeah, i just hate it all. i think i'm going to be radiologist."
ain't that great
5. the abbreviations are extereme in ob/gyn. an entire note of just abbreviations get you through this. words like TAHBSO are commonly used
6.favorite moment during ultrasound rounds:
would you like to know the sex of the child?
yes
ok, let's see if the med student can do it
I see this between the femurs, so it's a boy
Yes...!says the dad
actually, no, it's a girl... sorry, reza, that's the umbilical cord there, not the penis or scrotum,
sorry.

the stories go on and on and on people but something tells me that psych will be even twice as in teresting.

OB/Gyn

2006-07-20T17:09:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting this whole third year thing down and the rotation has picked up. lots of labor triage, ultrasounds, cervical exams, assisting with baby deliveries and c-sections. thank God, hysterectomies were boring procedures to observe. i was assisting with the delivery when the boy popped out and I caught him. the doctor's like, "put the other hand under him and gently stimulate the baby". oh stimulate I did, for as soon as i slightly jiggled my fingers under him a little bit, this 2-minute old was so tittilated that he started urinating all over me. "baby is voiding" yelled the resident to the nurse. yay....! not so much. oh, and i can't' seem to get the stench of amniotic fluid off so i keep changing scrubs but i swear i'm still smelling it when i get home. man, my new air balance shoes have had several close run ins with discharge today. best part is, i no longer have to deal with the mean residents i had on the other service mainly because obstetricians tend to be nice people, i mean, after all, theyr'e constantly delivering bundles of joy. one last epiphany. it's sad seeing the disparity between families here. one room might have a teenager whos confused adolescent boyfriend couldn't be less interested in the newborn or what's going on while the other has the most loving family with the dad doing lamase breathings and kissing the mom the whole time comforting her and sometimes you go from one situation to the other in 10 minutes.

I passed

2006-07-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

I walked out of the boards not knowing what had happened or if i passed. well, i passed, in fact, i didn't do bad at all, actually, i got JUST what i was aiming for.

Third year is gonna be long

2006-07-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

well, i'm on the wards doing OB/Gyn meaning i'm constantly abused by power hungry residents. yesterday was the greatest example. I'm watching a teratoma get removed in surgery. you guys should have seen this thing, it was so nasty. the tumor had fat, teeth, collagen, and hair. oh man, i can't eat thai food for at least another month.
i digress
anyways, after the surgery, the chief grabs me and takes me to a room to talk to me. apparently my behavior in the OR was not appropriate and I need to adjust better to OR subculture. Now, i'm really curious what i could have possibly done to deserve this, so here it is:

1- don't ask questions during surgery, wait afterwards
2- don't ask or talk about the tumor with the patient in the room, because even though they look like they may be asleep they may not yet be unconscious (um... there was masking tape on her eyes, sorry for the assumption).
4 - don't finish scrubbing up before the resident and don't expect to be scrubbed in or draped before the resident and attending (sorry, i was excited to actually scrub in and didn't see them waiting for the nurse and besides, was it really THAT insulting?)
5- don't ask if someone can show you how to suture, you're supposed to practice that on a slab of meat on your own (i'm sorry, i thought the whole point of this was for doctors to like show me basic procedures.)
6- don't point out that the tumor has a blood supply, the resident can obviously see that and saying that would only make them more nervous (Sorry, i got excited to see my first tumor and it's not like i meant to psych out the resident on purpose)

and really, that was it, all I had done wrong was well.... nothing except maybe trying to learn and being enthusiastic, but i guess it rubbed them the wrong way. and with this little conversation, I realized that this gyn service might not be so interesting after all, it looks like they're just trying to find reasons to be critical instead of teaching me anything. monday, i sat in a room all day for eight hours and there was only one patient the whole day. and let's not forget the best part: the 8 am lecture where all the interns and med students fall asleep because the presenters are talking about esoteric stuff we don't understand anyways.

The Hasselhoff Makes a Comeback

2006-07-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

when will he stop making these ridiculous videos?
If you thought "Hooked on a Feeling" was bad, get a load of this.

Med Student Syndrome

2006-06-18T02:13:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty good about not developing med student syndrome -- except for that brief 5 seconds when I thought I had Lymphoma back in Fall but then decided it was probably Ebstein Barr Virus but then after the negative mono test figured it was probably CMV or adenovirus -- anyways, all was good til reading BRS pathology like crazy this week. First I thougth maybe I had xanthomas -- surely these little bumps near my eyes were xanthomas, but then i thought, maybe it's molluscum contagiosum, but then that didn't pan out right either, maybe i just have wierd eyes. oh and last night, while i was having,um, REM sleep, I had a nightmare about having cirrhosis. Then I woke up and after five minutes realized, no, there are no caput medusae on my belly, it was only a nightmare.... when will this end?

End of a Diddy Reese Era

2006-06-18T02:08:00.000-07:00

How could they raise the price of the ice cream sandwich from $1 to $1.25. is this the first sign of bigger economic troubles to come?
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-icecream17jun17,0,2668612.story?coll=la-home-headlines

Reasons why one goes nervous during Boards study; Why am I learning Medicine from Scrubs?

2006-06-14T22:00:00.000-07:00

In one recent scrubs episode, the interns spend a lot of time and energy to diagnose a patient and in the end they find out it was Mediterranean Fever. Now, I'm thinking, hey, i just finished second year of med school, how come I've never heard of this disease? it must be really rare and unimportant, the first is true, the latter, not so much during boards time. Well, i'm doing the kaplan question bank and AMyloidosis comes up. Of course i get it wrong because well, somehow our pathology course curriculum committee decided to not emphasize this disease. I go and look it up in the review book only to see that there are EIGHT FORMS of it, one being Mediteranean Fever and I didn't know ANY of them, so I start memorizing thinking that if it's in scrubs and on qbank then surely it's worth knowing. do you see my problem people... I mean, after all that work and studying and praise for the curriculum, how do they skip an entire set of 8 diseases.... I'm going crazy, it's official.

Coffee makes you smarter

2006-06-13T13:44:00.000-07:00

Man, the LA Times opinion page is blastin today. Here's another really cool piece:

Thinking man's brew
New study confirms that coffee drinkers are more open-minded.
June 13, 2006

HOPPED-UP, WILD-EYED CAFFEINE junkies of America: We salute you. We only wish there were more of you. In fact, if you think the above editorials are fatuous and ill-reasoned, our only request is that you brew yourself a nice cup of java and read them again. Just don't make it decaf.

ADVERTISEMENT
Coffee, it turns out, may be an editorial writer's best friend. Many of us had heretofore assumed that when our sober, reasoned assessments of the issues of the day prompted a flood of angry letters to the editor accusing us of having Styrofoam packing pellets for brains, it was because of some failure of logic or rhetoric on our part. No longer. Now we know it's simply because our readers don't drink enough coffee.

Researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia have released a study showing that caffeine makes people more open toward logical argument, even when it runs counter to their previously held opinions. The researchers first questioned volunteers on their feelings about voluntary euthanasia, then gave some of the subjects regular orange juice, while others got O.J. laced with enough caffeine to fuel two cups of coffee.

Both groups were then asked to read arguments on euthanasia that contradicted their beliefs. People who drank the jolted juice understood the arguments better and were more likely to change their minds than their sleepy-headed counterparts.

There's something about caffeine that gets scientists all jittery and excited — Vanderbilt University even has an Institute for Coffee Studies — and all that research has turned up some surprising findings. Coffee and caffeine may lower the risk of Parkinson's disease, gallstones and diabetes. There is still the occasional bit of bad news, such as a recent study showing that those with a common genetic mutation are at heightened risk of heart disease if they drink more than one cup of coffee a day. But coffee and caffeine, once demonized as contributors to high blood pressure and cancer, are now more often seen as wonder tonics.

And if caffeine makes people more open-minded and inclined to listen to rational argument, it has our vote as the best recreational drug ever. Now, how do we get an espresso machine inside the House and Senate chambers?

Airport Detention

2006-06-13T13:38:00.000-07:00

You know, I've had my share of enthusiastic searches at the airport but i never mind nor complain because i figure people are doing their job and if that's what it takes to be safe, i can deal with a minor inconvenience, but after reading this story in the LA Times today, I've decided that, well, perhaps I should start complaining because despite my putting up with this crap, our government is inept and here is why: check out this story in the LA Times:

From the LA Times opinion page today, June 13, 2006

in a bootleg T-shirt
The author mingled at madrasas and hung with Hezbollah, but that's not why Homeland Security picked him up.
By Ray LeMoine, Ray LeMoine is coauthor, with Jeff Neumann and Donovan Webster, of "Babylon by Bus," an account of LeMoine and Neumann's experiences working for the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq.
June 13, 2006

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-lemoine13jun13,0,1507648.story?coll=la-home-commentary

Biggs Everywhere Representin

2006-06-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

In a desperate and so often challenging attempt to amuse myself while procrastinating, i thought of googling random things. Here's exhibit one: Biggs. Now, I'm not sure if it's spelled Bigs or Biggs, but for some reason I've always spelled it Biggs, so voila. Here is some of what I've found. First, of course, there's the one and only Jason Biggs, you know, the one who shaved his balls in the last American Pie sequel

Then, there's Biggs, California, a farm city in the Central Valley, I pity anyone who lives there

And I'm guessing this small city is home to Biggs Museum. Who knows what's on exhibit there, probably random shirts from Stanford.

Finally, there's this badass bridge in Mars called the BiggsSumara, I have no idea what this is but it's a pretty nifty graphic file.

And there goes 45 minutes during which I was supposed to be learning Neuropathology.

Oh Shit

2006-05-28T02:27:00.000-07:00

So it's slowly sinking in that second year is over and this whole (at times miserable) life i've gotten used to is over and a whole new game is about to start and I just realized, oh my God, I have three and a half weeks to relearn two years worth of information. it's like i have to recram in three weeks, everything I supposedly learned the past two years. well, at least i'll be procrastinating and putting up posts. maybe for once i'll have something interesting to talk about now that i'm b ack in la.

Time for Transitions

2006-05-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

Well, today I took my last final, ever. Seriously, from now on, it's only standardized shelf tests and the hospital. I survived what is undisputably one of the most demanding impacted and rigorous medical curriculums in the country, UCSD, cornell, hopkins, and baylor are infamous for torturing their students during preclinicals. Although I feel like I was just run over by a car, I'm seriously that tired, I'm happy to say I made it out totally unscarred with a clean record. So, now I'm getting ready for the boards, finding a new apartment near the hillcrest and navy hospitals, getting a pager, and moving on. Here's some pictures from our post-finals celebration at school and our orientation for the clinical years. Time to start moving on.

Random Shit

2006-05-10T20:30:00.000-07:00

Well, life has been confined to the library and coffeeshops lately but here are some interesting developments.
In pathology, there are certain diseases we think we'll never see, sometimes we wonder if they really exist: like hemineglect, where the patient is unaware that one side (like left side) exists. They basically don't do anything with their left side. i know, cool shit. but the one that eats the cake is Kluver-Bucy syndrome. When proteins called Pick bodies cause destructive plaques in your frontal and temporal lobes including limbic system, you get this special dementia where the elderly patient is hyper-aroused, constantly talking about and wanting to do things sexual. They are also hyperoral, wanting to lick things and stick things into their mouth, which if you think about it, goes hand-in-hand with sexual things
well.... one of my Persian classmates was telling me how a family friend's mom, this really old persian woman, has Kluver Bucy and at the last family party, propisitioned her dad for sex and asked her old veil-wearing oldschool muslim grandma how often she has sex, who she has it with, and how she likes it. Apparently she is constantly hitting on and making sexual inuendos on her son-in-law hillarious shit. Poor thing.

Other things: In Lab medicine class, we were learning about fertility tests and the prof kept talking about sperm collection: "so they patient just masturbates, usually, he uses a condom to collect the sample. and when he masturbates" as i kept hearing this old fella dropping the M, bomb, it was really really hard trying not to laugh. everyone could see that i was about to lose it any second now but then he HAD to say this: "any condom will do, as long as there is no spermicide in it, you know, like the kind you can pick up at the drug store or the local truck stop." and with that bening joke, i lost it.

yup, that's about as exciting as my life gets right now...

Dazed & Confused at SDSU

2006-05-05T02:50:00.000-07:00

i go to the living room coffee shop at SDSU area to study and at midnight when my buddy and i go to the burrito place down the street, we notice the following.
a shit load of girls are walking around in bikinis and bunny ears. apparently, someone threw a playboy mansion/bunnies themed party. the guys were all in robes and swimwear and the girls were freezing their asses off practically naked in the middle of san diego. one couple was so horny that they were full on having sex on a bench outside a burrito stand, right in front of everyone to seem, i mean full on pseudomissionary style sex that you can have with your clothes still sort of on but not really because people have zippers and underwear can easily be tugged aside. it's like these kids are animals who have no shame or something. they say some study found that sd state has the highest std rate than any other university in the country, i'm not surprised.
but in the coffeeshop, the picture is not that brighter. here are some great conversations from sorority girls who bless us with their presence and cell phones:
"like becky isn't talking to shawna anymore because she like, um, changed her myspace top 8 and took her off of it and shawna was like, that's just not cool and so she like got mad at her cause it was like a big diss and so now, they're like still not talking."
the coolest thing abotu this place is probably that there's an ethiopian population there and they study there and they're so nice polite and studious that they create a friendly environment conducive to studying. for anyone who cares, here is my clerkship schedule, it's the bottom up approach: easiest blocks first, and hardest last. i always like to end with a bang, not a whimper:
ob/gyn, psych, Peds, Neuro, Peds (2), Medicine, Surgery, and year-long Family Medicine for primary care.
Now i just have to pass these damn classes and start studying for the most importanbt test of my professional life.

Good News!

2006-04-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

Many people have told me that being a med student, I've left big shoes to fill for my younger siblings. I disagree, but regardless, i'm happy to say that not only has my little younger doppelganger filled these shoes but he has completely surpassed them for we just found out the rascal was accepted to his first-choice UCLA Law School. Bruins fo Life.

Some stuff from school

2006-03-29T19:55:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder what polycystic kidney disease looks like. The long white kidney is actually hydronephrosis. so much fluid pulls up in there and extends the parenchyma and turns it into a huge sac of water. nastiness.

Well, this is the ghettoness techniques used to make sure our masks are really protecting us from Tuberculosis although according to my skin test, it may be dormantly sitting in my lungs. the horror.

Yellow Fever

2006-03-14T02:03:00.000-08:00

some ucsd kids put this clever skit together. it's hillarious. all about asian chicks digging whites. the indian guy is the best part. yes ben, i know, a clear pattern of racism.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIIoc8R26iM

New Rule

2006-02-04T18:08:00.001-08:00

If you're wearing this shirt and you're a medical student, you're pretentious.

If you're wearing this shirt and you're a PRE-med student, youre EXTREMELY pretentious and probably too stupid to become a doctor.

If you're wearing this shirt and you're not in medicine whatsoever, well I guess it might be a little funny.

Imagine if they had this for every occupation. I'd love to see it, Kayvon can have a shirt saying:
"Trust Me, I'm Venture Capitalist" or Ev could run around wearing: "Trust me, I play baseball." In fact, everyone should run around making fun of what they do on their shirt, seriuosly, I see a new trend starting up... yeah... not so much. anyways, next time you see someone wearing this stupid ass shirt, will you please remember that they are a douchebag.
speaking of douche bags, an even better one: "Trust me, I've got protection." Now, THAT's funny shit.

Again, these print shirts suck.

Me the politician

2006-02-01T23:04:00.000-08:00

So I went to Sacramento with the California Medical Association and got to schmooze with all the politicians over dinner and learn about lobbying politicians and promoting physicians' causes like access to care, medicare reimbursements etc. Rep Cristine Kehoe even gave us a tour of the Senate and Arnold's pretty assistant gave us a runthrough of the governor's office.
I was inspired, I'm going to apply to be the student rep on the CalPac committee. If they select me, I'll get to help the CMA decide which politicians to support in elections, meaning I'll get to learn a lot about whose running for the various races and more about how all this politics stuff works. I'm excited.

on another note, after talking to everyone i came to a conclusion: these politicians aren't really corrupt. in fact, they mean well and they are good people who are usually very ethical. it's just the special interests who know that they will agree with them help them come to power but it's not the other way around, people aren't buying votes, the problem is, we just don't like everyone's beliefs all the time. It was an interesting realization and i must say i am a lot less jaded.

on another note, i learned about the disadvantages of california's term limits, but that's for another blog posting later perhaps.

Internet Manho

2006-02-01T23:02:00.000-08:00

First it way Blogspot, then it was friendster despite all my resistance, then it was Facebook, and now, it happened. MySpace. I refuse to update that shit though

Find out which 80s song describes you

2006-01-14T23:10:00.000-08:00

So it turns out the "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics is the 80s songs that describes me the best. Funny, I don't really like that song all that much.

Now, Clearly

2006-01-08T01:56:00.000-08:00

thes two like to watch each other poop. They must.

Lazy Sunday

2006-01-07T15:16:00.000-08:00

Finally saw the damn video. I LOVE it, watch it like twice a day now, minimum.

Favorite lines people have pooled:
Roll up to the theater,
Ticket buying while we handlin
They thought we's Aaron Burr
By the way we drop them Hamiltons
(some people really like this one)

Pack it up real nice, the security's suspicious
Mr Pibb and red vines equals crazy delicious

I use Yahoo maps to find the dopest route
I prefer Mapquest
That's a good one too
Google maps is the best
true that
Double True

6,8,12 baker's dozen
I'm crazy for these cupcakes cousin

It's all about the hamilton's baby
pack it up nice and i'm ghost like Swazy

please feel free to fix up or add to these in the comments section below.
big shout to brendan for posting the link on the class portal.

so who is this andy samberg fellow anyway? i'd never seen him before.

apologies

2006-01-07T15:13:00.000-08:00

To all who recieved drunken phone calls on Friday, I'm sorry. i mixed light and dark b/c i was too drunk to realize what i was doing. Thank God, my friend was there to walk me home.

Near-Death experience

2006-01-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

i'm driving up to tahoe, we're in David's truck. i see the car ahead of us spin out of control and for five seconds i'm freaking out -- Oh my God, Ev's in that car and they're spinning out of control, I don't want this to end in a funeral-- but then suddenly they straighten out and it's all good.

Then, 10 seconds later, we spin out. I stayed calm despite everyone's predictions. I figured, so this is how i'm going to go down? Diving down a mountain in tahoe in a pick up truck in -0 temperature in the middle of the night in the snow? wow...
but then we crash into a road block. There was so much snow there that it cushioned the impact and both us and the car was unscarred.

Then we see our car can't back out of the snow we've crashed into and despite all the pushing it wasn't buging. Finally, as we were waiting for a AAA tow, a CHP officer came, got us to hook a tow cable to the frame of the car, and yanked it out of the snow for us. The other Dave, being the homy that he is, got under the car, untangled our chain, we rechained and arrived at tahoe.

The rest of the week had it's challenges: too much wind for skiing/snowboarding, power outages, lack of options for food. but in the end it was good times, well worth it. here's a view out of our condo's patio window. As you can see, it was truly a winter wonderland.

Vernacular 101

2005-12-24T15:15:00.000-08:00

I've noticed as I get older, I like the stupider music out on the hip hop radio. folks like Brook Valentine and Fat Joe are slowly making me talk more stupidly. Here are some of the favorite recurring themes:

1. Money ain't a thing:
just cause we're rich now doesn't mean we're no longer ghetto or gangster

2. We walk around the metal detectors:
Brooke Valentine repeatedly makes this statement letting us know true thugs don't obey normal laws and carry their guns into clubs. great.

3. We still walkin around metal detectors:
love that Valentine girl

4. Gangsters don't dance, they boogie:
Need I explain?

5. Ice:
means diamonds, and lots of it.

6. Benzo, Lexo
The cars the rappers like to sing most about.

7. Shorty:
apparently, this is the new word for Beeatch

8. Skeet:
apparently, this word somehow refers to orgasms

9. Dime:
Means a 10 out of 10, as in a hot girl.

10. Drop it like it's hot:
means you can get down and stick your ass up doggy style. good stuff, I tried it out at the last On Broadway trip. great... just as long as no one calls me shorty.

11. I put it dowwnn:
means i paid the stripper her damn tip so she better start gettin naked!

No worries: As I learn more, I'll update this post.

'Tis Xmas time Again

2005-12-23T22:08:00.000-08:00

Ah... the Holiday season. While normal American people go to family gatherings, have pretty trees and christmas cookies and eggnog to look forward to and cute stuffings hanging atop a fireplace, what do we have going on... yes my friends, my family engages in the annual Persian tradition of invading... where else... Sin City. That's right. While the rest of the world rejoices in family times, maybe even some carolling, we go to Las Vegas where I get to play arcades all day long with the 13 year old twins and once again see the same shit i see every freakin year and eat at the same buffet every year and while my parents go off and enjoy the stupid slot machines and maybe endulge in a Googoosh the Persian Diva concert over at the Caesar's. At least the other kids my age go drop E at some stupid techno party they always throw for the younger crowd but I, being the cooler older brother, instead simply go down to the arcade and engage in my tenth game of Street Fighter. Such is the greatness of being Irooni.

Nice Home

2005-12-19T11:21:00.000-08:00

remind you of another, hmm... mansion

Blast from the Past

2005-12-19T03:19:00.000-08:00

After at least five years, I finally returned here: the place of ultimate childhood bliss: Chuck E Cheese. I last entered this Chuck E Cheese for my little brother and sister's bday about 7 years ago. I used to love this place as a kid and this year, went back for my cousin's baby's fourth birthday.

Here are some of the highlights:
The Ninja Turtle game is still there, the same: remember the foot soldiers? the shredder and the immitation shredders in the game, the evil brain guy who was in a glass bowl? the rhinos? it's all there. so great. oh and let's not forget april o'neil.

The Jurassic Park game: still there.

The same shitty pizza: still there

Some of the Negatives:
Air hockey table: now gone.
The singing Chuck E band / statues: now gone and replaced by TV's showing some fancy shamnzy cartoon: Boo!
Chucky running around the place: i didn't see the damn fella once!

anyways, I hope chuck e cheese gets its act together and stops changing for the worse.

What I learned while studying for epi today

2005-12-14T02:33:00.000-08:00

1: drinking is good for health:
if you drink moderately (4-7 times a week but never binge, 1 drink a day for women, 2 for men), raises HDL and decreases blood pressure. good stuff.
Reasons: fibrinolysis (related to strokes/clotting), insulin sensitivity (even obese people benefit) etc., and HDL level.
Half the protection of alcohol against heart problems is due to HDL.
Of all drinks, wine is the best, beer the worst, though prospective studies found no difference among the drinks probably due to selectin bias: people in the latter study were more responsible drinkers. Drinking wine with MEAL is even better.
ALCOHOL has no effect on mortality though in the overall population because if you just look at drinking (vs responsible drinking) you'd see 10% of population consumes half of ALL alcohol and when you have too much alcohol, you are prone to cirrhosis and some cancers and hypertension, all which cancel out any life-expectancy benefits the alcohol might have given you.
alcohol doesn't affect young men and women or women <50 because they area already low risk for heart disease and the other stuff anyways.
women need to drink less because they are smaller, have more fat, and different alcohol enzyme metabolism levels.

2.) Lots of people have psych issues:
Depression is 30% heritable. There is a genetic component: people who are homozygous for short serotonin receptors have increased activation in amygdala (which happens normally during fear response).
The environmental components were even strongher though. so they did some studies:
if you do have the depression gene and you were abused/mistereated as a child: you were VERY high risk for depression as adults.
If you don't have the gene at all (homozygous long receptor) and you were maltreated as a child, you are actually protected against depression: go figure.
If you do have the gene but had a happy childhood, you're at no incrased risk.
Point being: don't abuse your kids or they'll grow up depressed.
People with physical disabilities/illness esp likely to get depression
16% of people will have depression at least once in life. (lifetime prevalence).
80% of these will be severe to very severe depressions lasting on average 4 months.

Post traumatic stress disorders: due to assault, violence, injury, death of loved one, or learning about trauma to others. 6% lifetime prevalence. higher in native americans and cambodian refugees by at least twice as much. you keep reliving the horrible experience/have nightmares causeeing depression and anxiety.

Mental issues more likely in women than men (quel surprise!)
in US, social phobia is the most prevalent mental problem, Obsessive compulsive disoreder is the least.
18% of people have anxiety disorder, about double that of mood disorders (like depression, bipolar)
Anxiety and depression overlap in diagnosis because diagnosis based on symptoms not pathophysiology because we still don't know enough about the diseases.

ok... I think i'm ready for the stupid final, wait there's two more lectures. damn it.

I love San Francisco

2005-12-14T02:03:00.000-08:00

Probably the best commercial i've ever seen, makes me sad I no longer live in the city, i think it's shot in outer sunset (can see ocean over hills). the song's pretty rad too.
http://www.bravia-advert.com/commercial/braviaextcommhigh.html

I'm 24!

2005-12-11T03:28:00.000-08:00

it's 3:30 am on my birthday. i'm finally 24. just got back from anatomy lab and learning the cranial nerves. i entered med school thinking i'd get through confident and all and now i'm just praying i get the 65 i need to pass anatomy on monday. whatever happened? procrastination? burnout? i don't know... but damn it, it's my birthday and i'm gonna treat me to some sleep!

Hell House

2005-11-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

I've got a great idea for the next halloween party. i think the Mitchell Bro mansion in SF would be perfect for this salvation.
http://www.religioustolerance.org/hallo_he.htm

absolutely disgusting.

3am

2005-10-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

i've been studying all day and night and morning and it's 3 am and this is how my brain feels:
http://www.patmedia.net/marklevinson/cool/cool_illusion.html

i better got some sleep now.

L4 S4 ennervate the pelvic floor.
S2.3,4 keep the penis off the floor
c3,4,5 keep the diaphragm alive

such is my life...

2005-10-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

DSCN0383
Originally uploaded by rkermani.

future surgeon?

it is the SVC

2005-10-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

DSCN0381
Originally uploaded by rkermani.

i guess i eventually got it. PS, the guy is the bandana is my wanna-be Black straight out of compton dave chapelle wanna be partner tom. the dark guy behind him is the jolliest man on earth.

Radiology is a sham

2005-10-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

DSCN0382
Originally uploaded by rkermani.

I'm convinced radiology is not a real science. seriously... the teacher, really old and blind and deaf may i add, just points to random white stuff and claims "that's the right ventricle... etc) except all the shit looks the same, just a huge white mass. they don't know what the f they're talking about!!!. needless to say, i had my share of confusion down at the lab. don't worry though, i got it.

Stop acting like Michael

2005-09-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

when will people realize that not even michael jackson looks cool acting like michael jackson these days. first it was justin timberlake, next it was those persian douchebags, now it's a full out french michael impersonator who not only and dresses like him but sings just like him with a creepily similar voice. check it out, his name is amine. disgusting but a guilty pleasure i must admit

http://www.aminemusic.com/home2.html

did his research

2005-09-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

It was my friend Parissa's birthday and we all meet up at her and her boyfriend's new place down on fairfax, right between hollywood and downtown. Now there were six of us there, all from UCLA, and quite honestly, we'd hardly ever ventured past the western borders of the city, after all, the rest is kind of ghetto. At last, we thought, we are old and wise enough to break free from the yuppy congested roads of westwood, west la, studio city and west hollywood. no more sunset strip for these folks, tonight we were gonna hit up Hollywood and go bar hopping.

before our departure, james is sitting on the couch taking notes from this week's "LA Weekly" jotting down the spots he wants to go to. parissa likes latin music (she's half puerto rican half persian, we call her pesiorican) and he sees it's latin night at the starlake lounge. music, dancing, booze and to top it off, a show... so he thought.

We park in this slightly seedy area. naturally i say, "james, wher are we?"
"don't worry," he responds "i did my research..."

well, i figured, he DOES live here. so we get out of the car, pay a $3 cover (which considering where we were, any cover was proposterous) and enter the bar. I notice there are a lot of guys and some of them are a bit flaming. but i figured they're latin and they know how to salsa dance, it's probably a cultural thing. but then i realized the women looked really, well, tore up. and they were dressed a bit too extravagantly. then i look behind me and this time, i'm SURE the woman was a transvestite. then i see a really funny looking guy with his hand around the transvestite and realize he's not really a guy because he sort of has boobs.

wow, it dawns on me, we're at a drag bar. but not just any drag bar, a nortena (that means Mexican FOB (fresh off the boat or border in this case)) drag bar and that all the guys dancing up there with girls are really dancing with dudes dressed like girls. to my surprise, i wasn't freaked out at all, i was kind of fascinated by the absurdity of six straight 24 year olds sitting in the middle of this bar. but i thought too soon...

the dance floor clears and out comes a drag queen and her two "show girls", strutting their stuff, as some would put it, into those skimpy show girl outfits (let's just sasy things were falling in and out of the groin bikini-like contraption). i loved how their dance had the simplest two moves in the world yet the dancers were so carefully watching their steps and were pretty, well, quite awful. Then some drag queen karaoke singer came up and during the show gross me would go up to her, put money in her bra and grab her crotch and walk away.

james couldn't it hold it any more... he stormed out of the club and started laughing like no tomorrow. the rest of us watched the drag show for quite a while because, damn it, we'd paid for that booze and we were not going to let someone else's unusual lifestyle drag us away from perfectly good alcohol.

i down my beer and we finally leave in the middle of the second act.

outside, james notices there is anothe cocktail bar across the street. he runs over to check it out and as he leaves, i start talking about how at first i thought the bar was a bit flaming when one of the gay people from the bar starts walking past us. my buddy frank grabs my arms giving me a disturbed look, letting me know that i'm about to offend this stranger walking by when i yell, "relax, he knows i'm not saying anything mean, i thought it was cool." then, the random gay guy just a few steps down the street turns around and looks at us. Parissa, starts hugging me, as if trying to tell the man that we're together (we're not, she's james' girlfriend but she doesn't want me to get traumatized here, sweet girl that she is) but then the gay guy yells (in his mexican accented flaming voice): "hey, i like the chocolate. um hmm... he's good." (james is black, very dark, good looking man i guess) Parissa then lets go of me and yells "hey, the chocolate is MINE, you can't have him".

now the situation wouldn't have been so bad except that it involved james. you see, they just got back from a rough time at new york. james was getting his masters at NYU and apparently, Grennwhich Village, where NYU is, is where the NYC gay crowd is concentrated at. Well, James was getting hit on by gay guys on a sporadic basis in the subway, on the way to class, during lunch... once, he was even almost jumped by some big dark full out OG thug gay black gangster. The guy has pretty much been scarred by all gay men who find him attractive. So of course he comes back, and of course someone tells him about the "Chocolate" comment. and of course, his gay-beaten spirits are ruined again even back home in LA.

the rest of the night only got crazier as we saw people practically dead lying down on the street waiting for an ambulance on fairfax. a couple of police chases down near beverly drive, the prostitutes and the cops who would go to make them stop, one hooker was straight eating out of the garbage, she must have a horrible pimp. and oh yeah, the drunken fighting along the sidewalks outside the clubs.

i've realized the mysteries, wonders, ghettoness, and cultural richness the not-west-side of town has. but don't get me wrong, i would never dream of going out there at night unless my more, um, colored friends are with me.

We're BACK!!!

2005-09-17T18:06:00.000-07:00

not like i know shit about football, but i do know this: we're finally good again!!!
if they win USC, i'll name my first-born Drew.

Persian Hanson

2005-08-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

Did you know Michael Jackson had Hanson-esque kids who moved to Iran that then moved back here so that they could film music videos at Santa Monica College. Too good.
check out the pseudo "the way you make me feel"-like dance cameo toward the end of "man toro nemikham"

http://www.bia2.com/music-review/Kamran%20&%20Hooman%20-%20%9320%94.php#

the fobs have really outdone themselves this time

Holy Cr@p!

2005-08-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

the perfect woman is found. all competition is over:

log into launch.com

search Shakira
scroll down to music videos
Play La Tortura (REMIX)
nuf said

Back home in LA

2005-07-31T07:41:00.000-07:00

Well, my brief stint as the MC of Summer Study is over. I must say I had a good time. the best part, next to making new friends of course, was Dans le Noir, this amazing concept restaurant where you eat in the dark. the waitress was totall blind and it's true, not looking does enhance your sense of taste, i can distinctly remember how each serving tasted. what a great time... and the Chablis there is the best wine i ever tasted, worth every 15euros per bottle. check it out: www.danslenoir.com

besides that, i had a great time making fun of the little richies with my staff member which i must say had its fair share of pretty girls. the pictures are below, judge for yourselves though nothing se passed between anyone as far as i know at least.

finally, i well impart on you a few words of wisdoms left to us by the students:

1- if this were new york, we'd be living in brooklyn (in reference to our not so bad hotel neighborhood)

2- yeah paris WOULD be pretty... if i were riding around in my limo.

3-kid throwing up...me: how many cups of wine did you have. him: 5. me: why? him: it's my first time drinking alcohol. me: you idiot!

4- I'm so fat, i need to lose weight. i tried anorexia, but it just didn't work.

5- the medical care at this place is horrible, Reza doesn't know anything... (hello, i'm standing right here you stupid idiot, and btw, take your tylenol!)

6- last time i had five cups of champagne at this casino in monaco and my daddy's friend just let me keep rolling the craps dye for him all night and it didn't matter i wasn't 21. me: i don't care, no more than one cup of champagne at moulin rouge!

now i'm back in the lab.

Back in Paris

2005-07-19T03:28:00.000-07:00

life is hectic when you're the medical coordinator of a summer program for a bunch of spoiled suburban prada wearing american teenage primadonas.
point being:

i've noticed a lot of these girls are products of trophy wifes raising trophy daughters. they dress up in their skanky abercrombie miniskirts and walk around paris not realizing that this ain't no Westchester. Then they wonder why the boys on the metro keep yelling at them and making catcalls.

their medical problems are even more amusing. many suffer from a severe case of hyperchondria. The best example is probably the girl who thought the cyst on her wrist was a tumor. i had to calm her down and called a doctor. looks like Aleve (what the doctor prescribed) is really good at fixing wrist tumors.
and by all means, let's not forget about the kids who think a mere cold is the bubonic plague.

among the staff, there is already a certain amount of drama though nothing serious. for the most part, everyone gets along. my roommate is a half french half brit. finally, on my third visit, i have a bonafide french roommate who grew up in paris. the man's nose is seriously straight out of cyrano de bergerac though all the girls seem to dig it. and he's as tall and skinny as the eiffel tower (chuck came up with that one).

the most amusing part of the trip by far though is the vernacular of these kids. "like oh my God" is probably the expression i hear most. and why does every question have to be preluded by the phrase, "excuuuse me, but i like have a question:" for goodness sakes, just ask your dang question. i've even started telling them: New rule: you can't start questions with "i have a question..." Just ask your dang question, as long as you're not totally hypo-parasodic i will know that it is a question.

life is good...

Hey

2005-07-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

this guy stole my website idea!!!
no, we're not related

I'm glad to see

2005-07-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

that when my name is mispronounced, it inspires other artists to change their name to it, become edgy, and come out with fairly refreshin R&B music.
check him out.
www.razah.net

Tom Cruise, MD

2005-06-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

Poor Oprah. The dianetics are out to get her.
http://web.csuchico.edu/~jc230/Tom_Cruise_Kills_Oprah.mov

Stop saying "like"

2005-06-13T16:37:00.000-07:00

I fully support this cause and glad to see it at my campus. the posters are hillarious:
http://www.squarefree.com/2005/06/03/dont-sound-stupid-stop-saying-like/

It's official

2005-06-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

All test results are in: i'm a bonafide MS2!

There aren't a lot of us

2005-06-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

but we're out there.

And the Talent Show

2005-05-22T13:46:00.000-07:00

And the Talent Show
Originally uploaded by rkermani.

they're going to be doctors. i know...

Med Prom

2005-05-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Med Prom
Originally uploaded by rkermani.

yes... it's really just like high school. I swear.

Indian Culture Show

2005-05-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

Indian Culture Show
Originally uploaded by rkermani.

so we did a dance for the undergrads' indian culture show. we were hot and well received but I swear this case of cultural identity crisis is over.

New Rule

2005-05-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

if i'm drunk at a party and you're my friend, you're not supposed to let me talk. when the mouth opens through pain or whatever means you deem necessary, you just shut me up.

Goodness

2005-05-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

this is what happens when Tom Delay hijacks an airplane and Republicans steal your state legislature.
Thank God we're saved from suggestive cheerleading.
One more reason NOT to go to Texas.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/05/05/cheerleaders.law.reut/index.html

Got the Job

2005-04-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

Looks Like I'm going home for three weeks this summer. Yes!!!! I'm gonna be the medical coordinator. i'm sure it's gonna be a great time.

Rectals

2005-04-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

Word is that rectal exams are taught to us by a professional whose life-living is made by going around the country teaching med students how to do rectal exams and he demonstrates and has everyone practice on him. imagine, he gets 122 fingers digging into his ass, feeling his flexors and prostate for three straight hours. apparently, last year, he got into so much pain by the end that other classmates had to hold his asshole open as their peers poked around.
best part: the day before, he had done the whole thing at a school in philly.
just the thought of it makes me contract my external anal sphincter muscle.

print shirts

2005-04-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

so it was the third day of med school when this gir wearing small tight shorts, and lots of make up walks into class late and walks straight across the lecture hall in front of everyone to pick up some notes from the table at the front. as she passes the teacher, we all see the t-shirt: "i'm a SLUT (huge letters across the bosom area), just ask your man"
wow, we thought.
from then on, everyone remembered that girl for her shirt.

i recently saw another such shirt on a random girl around campus:
"not everything is flat in kansas" it said, over a picture of the Kansas map, right across her chest. it would have been hot if she were ten pounds lighter, but apparently her chest isn't the only thing that's not flat on her.

Guys are diving into this craze too. Some CREW members are running around with shirts that say: "Carpetbaggers: we lay them down and nail 'em"
and my favorite:
"don't forget to pet the one-eyed rabbit" with an accompanying picture of a one-eyed rabbit (no, the animal). so much for professionalism at our professional school.

Myahee Mayaho Maya ha ha

2005-03-14T19:41:00.000-08:00

the greatest video to ever hit the net
enjoy
http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/lyle_24/myhero.swf

Evan's (Meagher not Jarashow) Favorite new online hangout

2005-03-07T01:49:00.000-08:00

just thought i'd return the favor.

recent email to my roommates

2005-02-11T01:16:00.000-08:00

Hi,
I am the roll of bathroom toilet paper
I have feelings too
It's bad enough that I was made out of recycled paper into a hollow round orifice. But when I'm separated from my toilet paper roll brethrens, I only look forward to one occasion and that is the beautiful tight penetration of the bathroom toilet paper roll holder into my wide orifice.that's all I ask for. I mean I go stuck with the recycled paper and I get ripped off constantly as you tear off my sheets and wipe your ass. Must you deprive me of the one last gratification of putting me in the right position on the bathroom toilet paper roller. Must I just lay on top of it and be teased knowing I'm only a couple of seconds and a little bit of effort from that great penetrating satisfaction I was born to experience . Pleas oh please, put me in the right spot. I don't belong on top of the toilet paper holder and I surely don't belong on top of the toilet itself. No, I belong in the penetrated position. Stop depriving me of this last pleasure.
Sincerely yous,
Charmin toilet paper roll.

Who'da thought?

2005-01-25T13:33:00.000-08:00

Apparently, being gay is punishable by death in Iran, but changing your sex is totally okay. If you get a sex change, then you can have sex. All of this because of some Shiite belief/ordinance that they claim the Prophet said, at least I THINK that's what they're saying. Now, that's ironic, absurd, and well, just weird. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself.

Oh my God!

2005-01-16T18:40:00.000-08:00

This is the same city where Columbine happened. What's wrong with people in Littleton, CO and guns? they can't even use a NAIL GUN right? my favorite part : "this is the SECOND time we've seen this"!!! what the hell?
it's crazy
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/01/16/nailgun.accident.ap/index.html

Tats

2005-01-06T23:46:00.000-08:00

I'm at the gym and there's this huge buff bald dude lifting next to me and he's at least forty years old. anyways, i notice he has a tatoo across his biceps, like those barbed wires most people get going around their biceps except i noticed it WASN'T barbed wire! no, no, no, it was a DNA Double-Helix!. WTF? What kind of a freakin nerd gets DNA tatooed across their biceps?

Brother Speak

2004-12-31T01:34:00.000-08:00

The San Fernando Valley is not a very authentic place: they're actually still coping with the fact that they are a part of the city of Los Angeles. Like most not-authentic places, they don't have their own vernacular, so they rip it off of other places. Like the San Diego surfers or the urban gangsters or whatever is "hot" on TV and down the freeway in Hollywood at the moment.

Now if there is any place more not-authentic than the Valley, it's Orange County (NOT "the OC," no one calls it that or they didn't before that mindless Fox TV show). Orange County, especially Irvine, is so not-authentic that they even copy LA for their vernacular. Now since my brother hangs out (sorry, "rolls out") with these people, through his loud phone conversations, I can tell you some of the recent vocabulary:

1- Brao -- this is slowly replacing "dawg" as the best way to refer to your "roll-dawgs" or "buddies" as I know from before.

2- Hit me up (brao)! - This means, give me a call

3- Roll out - This means, "we'll go" or "let's go"

4- Bouncing outa here - Bounce is slowly replacing "peace out" as the official good bye or "let's go".

5- Aight - slowly replacing "alright," I think this one may be due to 50Cent's influence.

This is too funny

2004-12-13T14:50:00.000-08:00

What the hell is an "exotic mushroom at the fork of a tree" and how in the world does it describe a vulva? you tell me.
http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/books/12/13/odd.literature.sex.reut/index.html

Testing

2004-12-12T14:09:00.000-08:00

TestingThis is a new journal program I just created
I can now update my blog directly from my mac

Friday night

2004-12-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

for everyone who's been asking, this is where we're going for my birthday on friday night: we're going to the La Jolla one. Christine made the reservation. Mmmmm... fondue
www.foreverfonduerestaurants.com

Favorite new website of the week

2004-12-03T15:51:00.000-08:00

I'm no fan of this power-crazed moron but this is just character assasination. These people really need to get a life.

the ER goes black

2004-11-29T21:32:00.000-08:00

I was having a hard day...

a restless night I had had and I was working under 4 hours of sleep

i was sick, with a sore throat

i was hungry without much food for the day except for a cup of coffee for breakfast if that counts and a egg mcmuffin i got during class break

and most importantly, i was severely dehydrated from all that coffee

well i was helping the doctor put in an IV into a sickle cell patient's jugular vein (that's in the neck) and it was a fat needle
i was totally cool with it, keeping my calm and trying to keep the young pateint calm when suddenly i started getting light headed. i shook up a little and tried to concentrate when i started to feel like i was about to lose it. suddenly i said "i'm sorry doctor campbell but i have to leave" and just as i was walking out everything started blacking out. apparently, the nurse saw me passing out and grabbed me before i hit the floor. next thing i know i'm in a wheelchair and someone's yelling "keep your head down and keep taking shallow breaths, you're vagovasal"

slowly, my vision comes back and next thing i know i'm handed crackers with some juice

i recovered and in ten minutes went back to work but man, that was scary.
i still don't think it was the blood but rather the stress of it mixed with dehydration and my cold although jack disagrees (there i used your name on the blog, let's see if you catch it).

My Kind of Politician

2004-11-27T01:33:00.000-08:00

Someone get this guy to run for governor!

More Red Marks

2004-11-18T21:05:00.000-08:00

I got what I thought was a razor burn on my lower right chin. Next thing I know it gets bloody and infected.
Before I know what's happening, red pimple-like stuff keep popping up around my face and then it's on my hand!
i finally stop studying for a second, get a bunch of band aids and neosporin and cover up all the nastiness. Next day, I go to the doctor at urgent care and it turns out i have a staph infection of my hair follicles!!! nasty. I'm on some hardcore antibiotics and it's the middle of finals week -- a really hard one tomorrow and I'm walking around looking like i have small pox. Worst part: i can't shave for a couple more days -- can't spread the infection -- and this beard itches like a mother. this sucks. how did i get this freak infection anyways? i shower everyday, I swear.

Proof of rigging

2004-11-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

just read it
and this one is another good one:
http://truthout.org/unexplainedexitpoll.pdf

Delerious at the Library

2004-11-14T21:41:00.000-08:00

Having been in the library for ten hours, I get a bit delerious at times. I'm staring at the same page for ten minutes hoping the material seeps in through osmosis or suddenly i'll be granted with the gift of a photegenic memory, memorizing words like env and nef and how gag and pol code for RT and MA and CA and NC (Or was that just Pol that coded those?)...

then

hot chick walks by. man, this girl must be 90% titties.

concentrate Reza, damn it, there's a final on tuesday!.
I stare back at the page, thinking about gag and pol and env and then again, another hot chick walks by. she's wearing those jeans that are really low, ya know, the type that don't have the top of the jeans on where the belt would normally go, i think they're called low tops or lowrisers or something like that. man, the way those things stick to their ass like spandex and then the outline of their panties m..um.um.um.

concentrate! me thinks
then i stare back at my notes
but then i stare at girl one walking to the drinking fountain. next thing i know i'm imagining her naked.
get tired and i close my eyes. oh oh, she's back and now girl number 2 is there too except they're both naked!
waoh there... now they're kissing! holy smokes!
Reza concentrate damn it, you're gonna fail mo bio. this is HIV damn it, it's serious shit!!!!
so i wake up but i realize there is no point in trying. i pick up my stuff and walk over to ... that's righ, you guessed it... a freakin cubicle. and here i am now, trapped between three fake pent up walls surrounding a desk at the library, typing on a laptop.

how did i procrastinate so much. i think i was too preoccupied with that damn election.

Take That Idiots

2004-11-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

So our guy lost the election. Why shouldn't those of us on the coasts feel superior? We eat better, travel more, dress better, watch cooler movies, earn better salaries, meet more interesting people, listen to better music and know more about what's going on in the world. If you voted for Bush, we accept that we have to share the country with you. We're adjusting to the possibility that there may be more of you than there are of us. But don't demand our respect. You lost it on November 2.

Red marks

2004-11-08T21:37:00.000-08:00

There is a giant red mark on my neck. I wore a turtleneck to school today -- it was a cool day anyways -- to cover it and tried to avoid people all day. Didn't work.
People presumed and others inquired.
"It's a razor burn" I said.
They didn't buy it.
"It's a really bad mosquito bite"
Didn't buy it.
"I popped a really bad pimple."
Negative.

Why are people so drawn to inquire about red marks on people's necks!!!! Leave me and my neck alone!!!!

holla

2004-11-06T01:15:00.000-08:00

This picture was given courtesy of Wes Gifford from the great Jesus State of Nevada where prostitution and gambling and drinking are the main sources of revenue.

Bummed out

2004-11-06T01:02:00.000-08:00

i'm still bummed out and ticked about the election. I don't get it:
a bunch of homophobic evangelical loony hicks decided that stopping men from having butt sex with each other is more important than the fact that we're losing jobs, stuck in a hopeless quagmire of a war, were lied to and decieved about WMD's, the rest of the world hates us, and that 40 million of us don't have any health care coverage.

I've lost all faith in this democracy... it's crap and I'm gonna stop caring, I promise, NO MORE POLITICAL DEBATES FROM ME... never ever ever again. it just ain't worth it because in the end, people are stupid anyways.

i know

2004-11-03T13:53:00.000-08:00

so things didn't go as i expected.... i know... we're all going to hell.

The pictures are up

2004-11-01T14:50:00.000-08:00

that final was ass-rape but that's how EVERYONE felt about it so I'm confident I passed.

i felt so sick yesterday but i think my liver's all recovered now. in metabolism and bioenergetics i learned why our blood gets acidic when we drink... interesting stuff.

http://groups.msn.com/RezasPhotos

click on "pictures" in the left side bar.
the first page is stupid but the rest of the photos are on the following pages. the one of allen is hillarious, he looks so wasted.

Von, could you please send it to Warren's and ahooooo's email address for me or email me their email.

oh yeah... new polls: Kerry 298 Bush 231... it's a good day.

I pulled a W

2004-10-25T14:16:00.000-07:00

I get a message in the middle of class.
Check it and it's my friend Rahim, asking me why I did such a bad parking job this morning. he says my car is practically touching his bumper.

Completely confused, I walk down to the parking lot to see what's going on when I notice my car in the middle of the parking lot, blocking the driving lane, obstructing other cars from leaving.

Turns out I'd forgotten to put up the parking brake. I drive a stick shift and never park the car in gear like I should, compounding the problem. When Rahim's car was there, it blocked the car from rolling down the lane. When he left, the car ended up there. Fortunately there wasn't a scratch on the car. Talk about getting a lucky break.

Bored in Class

2004-10-16T15:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't been that inspired lately, this is the best I can do.
By the way, Jews for Jesus invaded the UCSD campus last week, passing out flyers (about why Jews should believe in Jesus?) Isn't their whole name an oxymoron? I don't understand why they don't just call themselves Israeli Christians or Christians of Judaic Origins or something a bit less provoking. but I guess those names don't sound as sexy.

on another note:
when we're bored in class, we resort to desperate measures of entertaining ourselves. Here are some pathetic examples.

Passing notes in class:
Jen: Ben Allen and Dave O'Steen do remember who you are. They say hi. They think you're a cool girl. Dave says you used to go out with someone they knew name Adrian but I got the feeling that they have a better impression of you.

"Jon, pass this note to Jen."

Jen: laughs and replies: I don't kow what I was thinking dating Adrian in college. Tell them I say hi too.

ANOTHER Example:

Teacher: "The flippase enzymes flip-flops phospholipids in the plasma membranes. But it can't flip or flop proteins.

Pouria (avid Bush supporter) points to the sentence on the notes:
"Hey, I think John Kerry has a mutation in this gene."

totally delerious, we both laugh like crazy, as if it's the funniest joke on earth or something but I guess it was because we're so bored.

It's Ramaddan

2004-10-16T15:39:00.000-07:00

This means no eating, drinking (double meaning here) or sex (definitely the hardest part) from sunrise to sunset for a whole month -- wait, some of the above we're not supposed to do anyways but for the next thrity(?) days, I'm really really not going to be doing them.
wish me strength people

If they say it...

2004-10-07T23:01:00.000-07:00

If the LA Times says it, it HAS to be true!!!
check it out

In the EYE

2004-10-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

So we're in this really boring lecture -- no one is quite sure what this class is about yet -- and my teacher suddenly says:

"And this intercalating agent can be used to treat Herpes... like when you get it in the eye."

In the eye? I didn't even know you could get it in the eye! Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?

don't touch my honey

2004-10-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

My night at the ER:

drunk >220 pound patient We're trying to get him to calm down and he swings at the nurses. Finally, we resort to constraining him so we can treat him. He then mutters:
"I'm going to get you... I'm gonna kick yo' ass."

Dr : "no you're not"

Patient: "Yeah I will, I'm gonna kick your ass.
I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR MONEY, AND THEN, THEN, I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR HONEY!"

Dr : "You might get my money, but you ain't never touching my honey!"

I think the Dr is a cool guy... after all, he does have a really good sense of humor.